office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
