Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
