I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Found your dick twin last night
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
