Apparently you make a good broom.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
