No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
