Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
