why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
