the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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