Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
