I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
