I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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