the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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