I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
