WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
