that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
