i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
