DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I have fence marks all over my body
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
