i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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