Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
