I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
