Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
