i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
