he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
