she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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