Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize