I wannas sexs uuuuu
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
