Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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