I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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