It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
