It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
