All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
