Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
