I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
