i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Sacagawea was the original milf.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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