and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
