are you so shy because you have an std?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize