you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
