you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
