she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
