some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
