the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
