it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
two words...techno handjob
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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