Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Terrible idea I love it
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
