the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
