I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
