If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
