1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
