somebody snuck up and got me drunk
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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