I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
