MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
