Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
