So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
