So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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