I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
