Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
